I was listening to Tarana Burke in an interview today and she was talking about when she realised that her expectations of her mother’s love for her were not in line with her mother’s capability to love her.

It reminded me so much of “Humans do well when they can”.  I have taken that mindset and applied it to all aspects of my life but have only ever heard it used in relation to explosive children.

As I approach the 5th anniversary of meeting Marie I continue to explore the early part of my journey with her by my side, the part she asked me about many times, the “why did I keep going?” part.

Capability and Desire helps to describe it a little.

My capabilities to love him, to parent him, to help him, were limited.

My desire to find a new way of loving him, of parenting him, of helping him, was not.

I had looked over and over before I met her.  I looked over and over after I met her. 

I desired it. 

I did not have a fixed mindset that the way we were was the way we would always be. 

I wasn’t capable.

I wanted, however, to learn how to be more capable.

Looking at the sentence “I want to learn how to be more capable” I feel inspired.

As much as I love inspiring other people, I adore inspiring myself!