Time has passed. Not as much time as went before but it has passed. Healing is slow. All the physical wounds are long healed. The emotional wounds take longer.

I see a photo of myself wearing glasses that longer exist and my breath catches. Just for a moment I’m back in the night that they stopped existing. They are one small example of the loss, the things that are not how they were.

Don’t take me up the wrong way, there are many things from the time that went before that I don’t miss. Sadly, there are many things I now know, or remember that I can never unknow.

Now I’m learning how to live with the things I cannot unknow. Learning how to be around The Boy without automatically remembering everything, without having hurt feelings for all of those things.

We have started talking about how having a brother who struggles with life has impacted The Brother and how it continues to.

Someday we will talk about how our history impacted on me.

Someday.