I wonder if I will wait for the rest of  my life for some of the feelings, and apprehensions, that I have about The Boy to go away.  I know it is not going to happen today or tomorrow but I am not actively waiting.

It does not stop me being with him, interacting with him, parenting him.  It just like a bad taste in my mouth.  “Bad” is not even a great word for it, more like that taste that happens when you ate a few hours ago, food got caught between your teeth and didn’t floss afterwards.  A quick floss, a drink of water, or brushing your teeth gets rid of it and you quickly forget that it happened in the first place.  That is probably closer to the way I feel about him at times.

Much of our poor interaction now arises out of those moments of apprehension, out of those feelings I have that reference to The Time That Went Before.

Maybe some day they will go away, maybe they won’t, but it is my job to make sure that they don’t derail us or the progress we have made or prevent us from making more progress.