The Brother got in trouble in school. School dealt with it. I told him that it was school’s issue, they dealt with it and that I won’t be doling out punishment when it has already been doled. I figured the matter was closed.

About 2 hours later he came to me and asked me if I would like a coffee.

I could have seen the offer of a coffee in two ways:

• Sucking up
• Connection seeking

If I saw it as sucking up to me, trying to curry favour after getting into trouble in school, I could easily have been cross with him. I could have rejected the coffee and with it his fragile olive branch.

If I saw it as connection seeking, wanting to know that we are ok in spite of things that are happening in our lives, I could easily be open to connection, open to saying “Yes, we are OK. We will always work to be OK”, open to accepting the coffee and with it his fragile olive branch.

I asked if he would like to make me a coffee, and he said yes, so I told him I would love a coffee.

Off he went and returned in an appropriate amount of time with my perfectly made coffee.

We put another gem in the connection collection and reestablished that we are OK. We will always work to be OK.